My Family - Sunday March 30, 2008

I need to write this.

This is not something everyone will be able to understand.

I need to write this.

Two weekends ago, I was in the Vagina Monologues. The same weekend, my host family went to see my host father's parents who live in Seoul.

I was in Seoul until Monday morning and went straight to school when I got back into Wonju, so I didn't talk to my host parents until Monday night.

Apparently, my host father's father (I'll refer to him as host gp) is ready to retire, and he wants to give his oriental medicine hospital to my host father. My host family has known for a while that this would happen. What they didn't know is that my host father's parents only expected my host family to live in Wonju for about two years...kind of like a little family retreat. They've lived here for four years, and in addition they thought that my host gp wouldn't be ready to retire for about another 10 years. He is still quite healthy, but he has decided that it is time to retire.

My host family thought that they could wait to move until the end of this school year which ends in late December. It wasn't good enough for my host gp. Then they thought that my host father could move to Seoul, and the rest of the family could meet up with him in December. My host gp thinks that a family should stick together. Then they thought that my host father could move and the family would meet up with him in July after the end of the first semester. Still not good enough for the old man, so my host mom told me yesterday that my host father is moving tomorrow and the family will meet up with him in May.

Let me explain a few things. My host brother is 12 (almost 13), and my host sister is 11. My host brother is in an incredibly challenging special class that he worked his butt off to get into, but the program doesn't end until December. My host sister is co-chief of her class this year which she had to run for. Both of them are involved in a ton of activities and are currently learning computers in school. And because my host gp decided that it was time to retire NOW, my host sibs have to be pulled out of school mid semester. My host family doesn't want to move. They have been walking around for two weeks depressed at the thought of moving.

My family is moving in May...my contract ends in July. So, basically I will have to live with a new host family for the last two months of my Fulbright contract.

Because of the Korean hierarchical Confucius society, I am losing my family, my host sibs are being pulled out of school mid semester against what is best for them, my host parents are depressed, and my host father will be separated from his family for about a month and a half.

What does any of this have to do with Confucianism? Korean societal respect is structured as such: Older Korean men, Korean men, Older Korean women, Korean Women, Korean boys, Korean girls. Because my host father is a first son...he is basically valued more, hence why he is the one getting the hospital. The reason my host parents can't say no, is because you don't say "no" to an older man in Korean culture. My host family knows that having this hospital will be good for the family, but they also know that they don't want to leave Wonju...especially right now.

My host family is not only moving to Seoul, they are moving in with my my host father's parents. 6 people in one apartment. I have a feeling my host mom is going to hate it, but she has to live with it, because it is just the way things are done.

My host mom told me about the host family moving yesterday in the car on the way to the hair shop. My hair appointment was 3 hours long, and I cried through half of it. I had been there once before. It is run by a Korean married couple. The man speaks English quite well and has lived in four different countries. I finally told him why I was upset, because both he and his wife were worried about me. I just couldn't stop myself from crying. Part of me was incredibly frustrated that my host mom had told me right before the appointment and part of me was relieved. Relieved because I don't want my host family to see me crying. They don't have any choice in the situation they have been presented with and there is absolutely no need for them to feel worse by knowing how much it hurts me.

Here is the part that may be difficult to understand. Before I new the entire situation, I tried to talk to my Fulbright friend in Wonju. She kind of blew off the situation and told me that moving isn't actually that big of deal. She thought it would be (she changed homestay families), but it wasn't. The physical act of moving is actually the last thing on my mind right now. I'm losing my family. They ARE my family. I have lived with them for the past 7 and 1/2 months. They are my mom and my dad and my brother and my sister. My host parents have taken care of me like a daughter, and I feel as if my host sibs are my actual brother and sister. I care for them and love them as my family.

When I came home from the hair shop, I had stopped crying. As soon as I walked in the door and saw my host brother, tears started streaming down my face. He didn't see. I don't want them to see. It was late when I got home and I hadn't eaten dinner yet...my brother was on the computer facing away from me and I was crying. He didn't see. I'm glad he didn't see. Whenever I think about it, I cry. As I write this, I am crying. It is so incredibly hard to explain...and it is not possible to understand unless you have loved a host family as if they were your own family, unless you have traveled to a foreign country and put all of your trust and faith into a family to protect you and be there for you as if they were your own family, unless you have shared tears and laughter and sadness and joy with a host family the way you would with your own family.

I needed to write this.

I'm tired.

I'm going to bed.