I need to write this.
This is not something everyone will be able to understand.
I need to write this.
Two weekends ago, I was in the Vagina Monologues. The same weekend, my host family went to see my host father's parents who live in Seoul.
I was in Seoul until Monday morning and went straight to school when I got back into Wonju, so I didn't talk to my host parents until Monday night.
Apparently, my host father's father (I'll refer to him as host gp) is ready to retire, and he wants to give his oriental medicine hospital to my host father. My host family has known for a while that this would happen. What they didn't know is that my host father's parents only expected my host family to live in Wonju for about two years...kind of like a little family retreat. They've lived here for four years, and in addition they thought that my host gp wouldn't be ready to retire for about another 10 years. He is still quite healthy, but he has decided that it is time to retire.
My host family thought that they could wait to move until the end of this school year which ends in late December. It wasn't good enough for my host gp. Then they thought that my host father could move to Seoul, and the rest of the family could meet up with him in December. My host gp thinks that a family should stick together. Then they thought that my host father could move and the family would meet up with him in July after the end of the first semester. Still not good enough for the old man, so my host mom told me yesterday that my host father is moving tomorrow and the family will meet up with him in May.
Let me explain a few things. My host brother is 12 (almost 13), and my host sister is 11. My host brother is in an incredibly challenging special class that he worked his butt off to get into, but the program doesn't end until December. My host sister is co-chief of her class this year which she had to run for. Both of them are involved in a ton of activities and are currently learning computers in school. And because my host gp decided that it was time to retire NOW, my host sibs have to be pulled out of school mid semester. My host family doesn't want to move. They have been walking around for two weeks depressed at the thought of moving.
My family is moving in May...my contract ends in July. So, basically I will have to live with a new host family for the last two months of my Fulbright contract.
Because of the Korean hierarchical Confucius society, I am losing my family, my host sibs are being pulled out of school mid semester against what is best for them, my host parents are depressed, and my host father will be separated from his family for about a month and a half.
What does any of this have to do with Confucianism? Korean societal respect is structured as such: Older Korean men, Korean men, Older Korean women, Korean Women, Korean boys, Korean girls. Because my host father is a first son...he is basically valued more, hence why he is the one getting the hospital. The reason my host parents can't say no, is because you don't say "no" to an older man in Korean culture. My host family knows that having this hospital will be good for the family, but they also know that they don't want to leave Wonju...especially right now.
My host family is not only moving to Seoul, they are moving in with my my host father's parents. 6 people in one apartment. I have a feeling my host mom is going to hate it, but she has to live with it, because it is just the way things are done.
My host mom told me about the host family moving yesterday in the car on the way to the hair shop. My hair appointment was 3 hours long, and I cried through half of it. I had been there once before. It is run by a Korean married couple. The man speaks English quite well and has lived in four different countries. I finally told him why I was upset, because both he and his wife were worried about me. I just couldn't stop myself from crying. Part of me was incredibly frustrated that my host mom had told me right before the appointment and part of me was relieved. Relieved because I don't want my host family to see me crying. They don't have any choice in the situation they have been presented with and there is absolutely no need for them to feel worse by knowing how much it hurts me.
Here is the part that may be difficult to understand. Before I new the entire situation, I tried to talk to my Fulbright friend in Wonju. She kind of blew off the situation and told me that moving isn't actually that big of deal. She thought it would be (she changed homestay families), but it wasn't. The physical act of moving is actually the last thing on my mind right now. I'm losing my family. They ARE my family. I have lived with them for the past 7 and 1/2 months. They are my mom and my dad and my brother and my sister. My host parents have taken care of me like a daughter, and I feel as if my host sibs are my actual brother and sister. I care for them and love them as my family.
When I came home from the hair shop, I had stopped crying. As soon as I walked in the door and saw my host brother, tears started streaming down my face. He didn't see. I don't want them to see. It was late when I got home and I hadn't eaten dinner yet...my brother was on the computer facing away from me and I was crying. He didn't see. I'm glad he didn't see. Whenever I think about it, I cry. As I write this, I am crying. It is so incredibly hard to explain...and it is not possible to understand unless you have loved a host family as if they were your own family, unless you have traveled to a foreign country and put all of your trust and faith into a family to protect you and be there for you as if they were your own family, unless you have shared tears and laughter and sadness and joy with a host family the way you would with your own family.
I needed to write this.
I'm tired.
I'm going to bed.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
This sucks!
Can't explain in depth...just can't...
Not now.
Bad situation.
Unfair.
Just...put every emotion together and that's the way I feel right now.
Can't...
Not now.
Bad situation.
Unfair.
Just...put every emotion together and that's the way I feel right now.
Can't...
Monday, March 24, 2008
Korea is My Home!
I am slowly falling in love with Korea. I enjoyed my time here last semester, but I am realizing that Wonju has become my home.
The other day, I left school to walk back to my apartment, my home. Something made me stop; everything was so...familiar. A sort of familiarity that I only feel when I am truly comfortable somewhere.
It's not because I know how to get everywhere in Wonju, it's not because I have simply lived here for 7 months; it is because I have a family, it is because I have taken on activities that form my everyday life, and it is because I'm slowly discovering how to transfer my values and passions into my life in Korea.
A friend recently told me, "Stacey, sometimes I worry about the everyday simple experiences you miss out on because you want to do all these big things." I was a little taken aback by this comment, however, I both said and realize that I'm not in Korea to simply have a "big" experience. Even if it may have started as something big and a way for me to push myself and my boundaries, I am experiencing the simple everyday moments...only in a different culture. He's right: I don't have the stereotypical 9-5 job that is common right out of college, I don't have my closest friends in immediate contacting range, and I can't easily watch sitcoms on tv. He's right...I am not experiencing the simple everyday moments of a life in the states. I am, however, experiencing the simple everyday life of someone who lives in Korea.
I miss my friends and family in the states, but I also miss my friends and families across the world. I miss the everyday simple experiences of Kenya, I miss the everyday simple experiences of Japan, and I miss the everyday simple experiences of the states, but I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to know what the simple everyday experiences are in each of these places. I'm not simply spending a year in Korea; Korea is my home.
The other day, I left school to walk back to my apartment, my home. Something made me stop; everything was so...familiar. A sort of familiarity that I only feel when I am truly comfortable somewhere.
It's not because I know how to get everywhere in Wonju, it's not because I have simply lived here for 7 months; it is because I have a family, it is because I have taken on activities that form my everyday life, and it is because I'm slowly discovering how to transfer my values and passions into my life in Korea.
A friend recently told me, "Stacey, sometimes I worry about the everyday simple experiences you miss out on because you want to do all these big things." I was a little taken aback by this comment, however, I both said and realize that I'm not in Korea to simply have a "big" experience. Even if it may have started as something big and a way for me to push myself and my boundaries, I am experiencing the simple everyday moments...only in a different culture. He's right: I don't have the stereotypical 9-5 job that is common right out of college, I don't have my closest friends in immediate contacting range, and I can't easily watch sitcoms on tv. He's right...I am not experiencing the simple everyday moments of a life in the states. I am, however, experiencing the simple everyday life of someone who lives in Korea.
I miss my friends and family in the states, but I also miss my friends and families across the world. I miss the everyday simple experiences of Kenya, I miss the everyday simple experiences of Japan, and I miss the everyday simple experiences of the states, but I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to know what the simple everyday experiences are in each of these places. I'm not simply spending a year in Korea; Korea is my home.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
So...
I know I haven't been doing a very good job at keeping my blog up-to-date.
Here's the low down...
Things have been incredibly busy, but I'm loving it. I started taking guitar lessons twice a week as I have already mentioned. I'm hoping to buy a guitar this weekend...if everything works out timing wise.
I'm still volunteering at the orphanage every Monday. I have been incredibly fortunate to have been provided a room in which I can actually teach in. Before, I sat in a circle on the floor with the kids, and it was incredibly difficult to teach in the environment. As much as I would have preferred to simply play with the kids, I am happy to help in whatever way they need me. They need an English teacher, so that is what my role is. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what the orphanage entails, because I'm not so sure that it is an orphanage in which children can be adopted from. There are orphanages in Korea that simply take care of children until their real families can again take care of them and this might be a similar place. Nobody at the orphanage speaks English and my Korean is still at a fairly low level, but we try to communicate as much as possible.
I am taking yoga classes three times a week with a Korean instructor and a room full of Koreans. They find me entertaining and the instructor often times chooses me as part of a number call out as we do rolling crunches. By the way...I'm really tall. Most Korean women are quite short. So, when we do partners' yoga...well it's fairly hilarious to say the least.^^
I am taking jazz dance classes which are incredibly fun! I'm not awesome at dancing, but I love it. The instructor is young and funny and sooo nice! I'm not sure why I chose jazz dance, but I'm really glad I did! This past Thursday, a girl talked to me and told me that she's been trying to get the courage for about 2 weeks now to talk to me. It was pretty adorable. She and I talked as we walked home. She's close to my age and is a teacher as well.
I'm am still going to the Friday Korean English meetings. A few foreigners have been coming off and on.
Story time: I also have Korean tutoring once a week. A woman from the Friday club meetings offered to tutor me. Her nickname is Flight. While I was at our first lesson, two other members of the club came in and said that they were all going over to one of the foreigners' apartments. I agreed to go with them for dinner. Well, when I walked in...there were about 8 foreigners there. I was in shock! Apparently there is a large foreigner population in Wonju that I never knew about. Some of them came the next few times to the Friday meetings, but it is very off and on. I spent one night out with a bunch of them until super late; it was a lot of fun.
The thing is...I still very much feel disconnected from foreigners. I believe I still have the mentality that, "I didn't come to Korea to meet foreigners," ingrained in my mind. I was, however, incredibly fortunate to meet the amazing women I did through the performance of the Vagina Monologues. It was such a positive experience and it opened my eyes to a new level of Korean culture and life.
Many Koreans still gasp at the word "vagina." Sex is a topic of taboo. Abuse is such a foreign concept because in many cases it is simply not acknowledged as something of concern in Korea. The Confucius society that places men in a superior light is slowly being broken down through newer generations, though it is still quite prevalent and noticeable.
While our audience was predominantly foreigner-based, there were also a large number of both male and female Koreans in attendance. To see such an explosive turnout compared to the 150 or so in last year's audiences is hopefully a sign of further acceptance of female equality and of positive changes to come.
Anyway, that's what I've been up to. I'll try to stay more on top of the blog even though I don't know that too many people actually read it.^^
Here's the low down...
Things have been incredibly busy, but I'm loving it. I started taking guitar lessons twice a week as I have already mentioned. I'm hoping to buy a guitar this weekend...if everything works out timing wise.
I'm still volunteering at the orphanage every Monday. I have been incredibly fortunate to have been provided a room in which I can actually teach in. Before, I sat in a circle on the floor with the kids, and it was incredibly difficult to teach in the environment. As much as I would have preferred to simply play with the kids, I am happy to help in whatever way they need me. They need an English teacher, so that is what my role is. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what the orphanage entails, because I'm not so sure that it is an orphanage in which children can be adopted from. There are orphanages in Korea that simply take care of children until their real families can again take care of them and this might be a similar place. Nobody at the orphanage speaks English and my Korean is still at a fairly low level, but we try to communicate as much as possible.
I am taking yoga classes three times a week with a Korean instructor and a room full of Koreans. They find me entertaining and the instructor often times chooses me as part of a number call out as we do rolling crunches. By the way...I'm really tall. Most Korean women are quite short. So, when we do partners' yoga...well it's fairly hilarious to say the least.^^
I am taking jazz dance classes which are incredibly fun! I'm not awesome at dancing, but I love it. The instructor is young and funny and sooo nice! I'm not sure why I chose jazz dance, but I'm really glad I did! This past Thursday, a girl talked to me and told me that she's been trying to get the courage for about 2 weeks now to talk to me. It was pretty adorable. She and I talked as we walked home. She's close to my age and is a teacher as well.
I'm am still going to the Friday Korean English meetings. A few foreigners have been coming off and on.
Story time: I also have Korean tutoring once a week. A woman from the Friday club meetings offered to tutor me. Her nickname is Flight. While I was at our first lesson, two other members of the club came in and said that they were all going over to one of the foreigners' apartments. I agreed to go with them for dinner. Well, when I walked in...there were about 8 foreigners there. I was in shock! Apparently there is a large foreigner population in Wonju that I never knew about. Some of them came the next few times to the Friday meetings, but it is very off and on. I spent one night out with a bunch of them until super late; it was a lot of fun.
The thing is...I still very much feel disconnected from foreigners. I believe I still have the mentality that, "I didn't come to Korea to meet foreigners," ingrained in my mind. I was, however, incredibly fortunate to meet the amazing women I did through the performance of the Vagina Monologues. It was such a positive experience and it opened my eyes to a new level of Korean culture and life.
Many Koreans still gasp at the word "vagina." Sex is a topic of taboo. Abuse is such a foreign concept because in many cases it is simply not acknowledged as something of concern in Korea. The Confucius society that places men in a superior light is slowly being broken down through newer generations, though it is still quite prevalent and noticeable.
While our audience was predominantly foreigner-based, there were also a large number of both male and female Koreans in attendance. To see such an explosive turnout compared to the 150 or so in last year's audiences is hopefully a sign of further acceptance of female equality and of positive changes to come.
Anyway, that's what I've been up to. I'll try to stay more on top of the blog even though I don't know that too many people actually read it.^^
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Vagina Vagina Ohhhh Yah! - Sat/Sun March 15/16, 2008
This past weekend, I participated in the Seoul 2008 bilingual presentation of the Vagina Monologues. While I wasn't able to perform a monologue due to my absence from the country during most practices, I was still able to introduce 4 of the monologues and get to know an absolutely incredible group of individuals! There were about 30 women and 3 men involved in the production.
Saturday, we had a 4 hour practice before dinner and the performance. We had a sold out show on Saturday filling 500 seats and a crowd of 350 on Sunday. It was an incredible turnout for an incredible show AND we sold out of chocolate vaginas. We raised money for the Dasi Hamkke center which is an organization that helps women who have been affected by sex trafficking.
After Saturday's performance, one of the girls let me crash at her place, so we dropped off my stuff and then met up with Noelle, Margaret, and Jambo (a super nice Korean friend of theirs/Noelle's bf) to celebrate St. Patrick's Day at the Wolfhound, an Irish pub. It was packed! I drank green beer for the first time in my life!! We danced and drank and had an incredible time!
Oh, so, afterward, I made them go get food with me because I was SO hungry...even though we were also all exhausted. There were two other Korean guys who we met in the bar who came with us and a guy from Canada named James. James was entirely too creepy for my taste. He kept staring at Noelle and speaking directly to her and ignoring everyone else who was at the table. He would say, "You're the prettiest, smartest girl I have met since I came to Korea." I was like, "That's great, buddy, but she has a bf...WHO IS SITTING ACROSS THE TABLE FROM HER." We were all getting fed up with him. Finally, I was like, "Get the hell out of here. It's time for you to leave." He had already ordered...so I made him pay for his food and said it was nice to meet him but that it was time for him to go. He said it was horrible to meet me....and I ignored him. Oh, he was such a jerk. My friend thanked me the next day for taking care of the him. Apparently the Korean guys who were with us from the bar thought James was a friend of ours. Nope! We were out until about 5:30AM. I had to find my way back to the apartment of the girl from the Vagina Monologues. She found me earlier in the night to ask if it was ok if she went home with her bf. Ha! So, I had to find my way up a few creepy alleys to an apartment I had only been to once. Guess what! Success! I didn't have to sleep on the street. I tried to get Margaret to stay with me, but she wouldn't. Instead she found a jimjilbang nearby. Noelle and her bf had to take about an hour taxi ride back to where they had to go.
Sunday, the performance was in the afternoon instead of at night. I wasn't going to stay for the after party, but Angela invited me to crash at her place for the night. I technically don't have school on Mondays currently, so I stayed. Angela, Joe (Angela's bf), Anna, and I went to a restaurant to meet up with quite a few of their friends. We ate falafel at a Palestinian restaurant, and it was AMAZING! We then went to the after party; we rented out the top floor of RMT in Itaewon. I played darts with Joe and talked to random people for a while.
It got a little out of hand when people started taking body shots off of one another. One of the only guys was basically picked up and laid down on the bar so his gf could lick salt off of his chest for a tequila shot. I felt so bad for him; he was turning bright red. And last but not least, one of the women decided that it would be an incredible idea to lick salt off of another girl's nipple before taking a tequila shot. Shortly after, the four of us decided to head back because we were all exhausted.
I headed out at 8:00 and took a 9:20 bus back to Wonju and then took a taxi straight to school. Like I said, I don't have to teach on Mondays currently, but it feels strange not to be at school when all of the other teachers have to be there. So, I go.
Saturday, we had a 4 hour practice before dinner and the performance. We had a sold out show on Saturday filling 500 seats and a crowd of 350 on Sunday. It was an incredible turnout for an incredible show AND we sold out of chocolate vaginas. We raised money for the Dasi Hamkke center which is an organization that helps women who have been affected by sex trafficking.
After Saturday's performance, one of the girls let me crash at her place, so we dropped off my stuff and then met up with Noelle, Margaret, and Jambo (a super nice Korean friend of theirs/Noelle's bf) to celebrate St. Patrick's Day at the Wolfhound, an Irish pub. It was packed! I drank green beer for the first time in my life!! We danced and drank and had an incredible time!
Oh, so, afterward, I made them go get food with me because I was SO hungry...even though we were also all exhausted. There were two other Korean guys who we met in the bar who came with us and a guy from Canada named James. James was entirely too creepy for my taste. He kept staring at Noelle and speaking directly to her and ignoring everyone else who was at the table. He would say, "You're the prettiest, smartest girl I have met since I came to Korea." I was like, "That's great, buddy, but she has a bf...WHO IS SITTING ACROSS THE TABLE FROM HER." We were all getting fed up with him. Finally, I was like, "Get the hell out of here. It's time for you to leave." He had already ordered...so I made him pay for his food and said it was nice to meet him but that it was time for him to go. He said it was horrible to meet me....and I ignored him. Oh, he was such a jerk. My friend thanked me the next day for taking care of the him. Apparently the Korean guys who were with us from the bar thought James was a friend of ours. Nope! We were out until about 5:30AM. I had to find my way back to the apartment of the girl from the Vagina Monologues. She found me earlier in the night to ask if it was ok if she went home with her bf. Ha! So, I had to find my way up a few creepy alleys to an apartment I had only been to once. Guess what! Success! I didn't have to sleep on the street. I tried to get Margaret to stay with me, but she wouldn't. Instead she found a jimjilbang nearby. Noelle and her bf had to take about an hour taxi ride back to where they had to go.
Sunday, the performance was in the afternoon instead of at night. I wasn't going to stay for the after party, but Angela invited me to crash at her place for the night. I technically don't have school on Mondays currently, so I stayed. Angela, Joe (Angela's bf), Anna, and I went to a restaurant to meet up with quite a few of their friends. We ate falafel at a Palestinian restaurant, and it was AMAZING! We then went to the after party; we rented out the top floor of RMT in Itaewon. I played darts with Joe and talked to random people for a while.
It got a little out of hand when people started taking body shots off of one another. One of the only guys was basically picked up and laid down on the bar so his gf could lick salt off of his chest for a tequila shot. I felt so bad for him; he was turning bright red. And last but not least, one of the women decided that it would be an incredible idea to lick salt off of another girl's nipple before taking a tequila shot. Shortly after, the four of us decided to head back because we were all exhausted.
I headed out at 8:00 and took a 9:20 bus back to Wonju and then took a taxi straight to school. Like I said, I don't have to teach on Mondays currently, but it feels strange not to be at school when all of the other teachers have to be there. So, I go.
Untitled - Tuesday March 18, 2008
I woke up late this morning. Why? Because I stayed up late reading. I recently became very engrossed in a book and have been reading it as I walk to and from places. This became too rare of occurrence even though I walk nearly 2 hours a day. Becoming increasingly obsessed with the book, I decided that I would simply finish the last 250 pages last night. If you know me well, you know that it takes a lot for me to actually sit down and read; I have an impatience of sorts when it comes to reading. Perhaps this is why I initially began reading it while walking places. While walking, I would walk quickly; I wouldn't wait for the red man not walking to change to the green man walking. While reading this book, I walked slowly; I didn't mind waiting for the little green indicator that it was safe to walk. The book: A Million Little Pieces. The author: James Frey. I know the controversy, and I don't care. The book is damn good.
I'm taking guitar lessons. My teacher does not speak one word of English. It has been quite an interesting experience. He's the sweetest old man, and I wish I could talk to him.
I began to read a book that I bought when I was in the Thailand airport during a layover to Myanmar. I had started it during my trip to Burma, but it got put on hold. The book: Sex Slaves: the trafficking of women in Asia. The author: Louise Brown. I am not nearly as impressed by the writing style of the book but am deeply impacted by its words. On the way home, I stopped reading, partially out of dislike of the writing style and partially out of disgust for the concept. "60% of [Thai] families sending daughters to brothels were not forced to do so because of acute poverty. Instead they were motivated by the desire to own consumer goods like televisions and videos. There is competition among families to acquire household items (55 Brown)."
Wonjyokyojae. The term means: a girl who prostitutes herself into a relationship with an older man in order to gain material items in exchange. Noraebang tomi. The term means: a woman who is paid to privately sing for men; that's not all she is paid to do. Many times, these women are housewives. Where did I learn these terms? My Korean tutor and I had a conversation after my lesson.
I saw a man peeing today on a fence as I walked home from my Korean tutoring session. It didn't phase me at all.
I also scared an old man while walking home. It's warm now, and I have started wearing flipflops. Most people think I'm crazy; my MC friends would understand. How did I scare this old man? I tripped on my flipflop; he didn't realize I was behind him until that.
I'm taking guitar lessons. My teacher does not speak one word of English. It has been quite an interesting experience. He's the sweetest old man, and I wish I could talk to him.
I began to read a book that I bought when I was in the Thailand airport during a layover to Myanmar. I had started it during my trip to Burma, but it got put on hold. The book: Sex Slaves: the trafficking of women in Asia. The author: Louise Brown. I am not nearly as impressed by the writing style of the book but am deeply impacted by its words. On the way home, I stopped reading, partially out of dislike of the writing style and partially out of disgust for the concept. "60% of [Thai] families sending daughters to brothels were not forced to do so because of acute poverty. Instead they were motivated by the desire to own consumer goods like televisions and videos. There is competition among families to acquire household items (55 Brown)."
Wonjyokyojae. The term means: a girl who prostitutes herself into a relationship with an older man in order to gain material items in exchange. Noraebang tomi. The term means: a woman who is paid to privately sing for men; that's not all she is paid to do. Many times, these women are housewives. Where did I learn these terms? My Korean tutor and I had a conversation after my lesson.
I saw a man peeing today on a fence as I walked home from my Korean tutoring session. It didn't phase me at all.
I also scared an old man while walking home. It's warm now, and I have started wearing flipflops. Most people think I'm crazy; my MC friends would understand. How did I scare this old man? I tripped on my flipflop; he didn't realize I was behind him until that.
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